not in the mood okay,,

I went to hospital yesterday. nothing change ok. and it disappointd me a loootttt...
i hope for something but it doesnt work at all.
hmmm...
my fingers seems 2 be fade up enuf 2 press all the keys. what a _______?
huuuhhh stop here.
Dearie, i love you. only you understand.

Family love.

They are really meant for me.
I can hardly breath without their support.
Their touch, love and care.
But, i cant even tell them how much i love them.
Dearie, if im gone one day.
this is the evidence that i love them much3.
Love u all. with all my life, from the bottom of my heart.
Thanks 4 owez being there for me~Achik.

my words today.

Do not pretend to be so nice in front of ppl if we are NOT behind them.
It is so jerk to be hypocrte.

Do not blame anybody else if that was our fault. We'll lost a friend then.
That was so wrong.

Tell them how much u love them today. bcoz you might miss the next day.
You dun hav time 2 tell it again if you loss them one day.

I hate posses.
Please.
We're just a human being.
Do not be soo gud. bcoz nobody is perfect!

Done.

Remind me back.

The day was juz okay, fine. I did watch my fav movie A Walk To Remember again today. Its my fav movie ever. dearie, u knw what. i was crying again n again. it doesnt really a reason for me 2 cry acttly. bcoz i often cry. but someday around last week, knew someone who remind me abt this sad story again. i watchd this movie when i was stil in scndary skul, for the first time. and i found that it was really2 attractive. it was my taste of story. only that. yes im a big fan of that such a sad movie. ppl maybe dun undrstand why do i like it. but for me, it was so special and meaningful.

Dearie, i cudnt even tell u how pain it was. but, life must go on isnt? let by gone be by gone. life is short, but it still so far to reach the real future.

"Love is just like a wind, we cant see it but we can feel it."
-Landon-

Aidil Adha.

The day comes. We clbrte it quite simple. as sabah n sarawak are not really excited of this raya haji. every year and then, the situation is owez goin 2 be d same! But, i was excited. and still hepi as i owez do.
Mama was bz preparing 4 things 2 cook. i was making a cake and helping mama abt the 'dadih'. wah, takbir hari raya....sooo touching....
oh ya. about grandma, she's doin quite well these few days. even some of her child are not around anymore, she was still strugling so hard 2 be better. Love u nanny!
Stop here then. Im kinda sleepy now.
dear diary, i'll write more tmorrow. PROMISE.

As I'm 20.

20 and becoming 21 next april. do i look like 20? hmm. thinking bout it these few days. im d eldest who not get married yet. all my sisters are oready taken by their husband. im still a young lady. i got a lot of things to think of. the first attention is to my baloved family [ parents, adik2, nenek] im the one who will become a 'tulang belakang' for my big family from now on. i know. and i realize dat. but i do or not? im trying to do my best. giving n loving this family so much. trust me, i cant breath without them.!
Since sisters were all married, they hav their own respnsblty, their own life. their life with family is come to the end. equals=fullstop. life change, situation change. nothing is goin to be d same anymore. i dunno what my life wud be without my sisters as we were so close together before. but this is reality. i hav 2 acept it no matter what. i still hav my younger sisters n my lil bro. they need my attention, they need me. so i have to act more matured. yes i will.
Im not a little girl anymore. so i do believe in me.

Time goes by.

As time goes by, many things change. people, things, situation and even death. im thinking bout hows my life in future as i think back bout my pass. it really change a lot, seriously. since i was a young little girl till i bcme a young lady, time went so fast to remember. remind me about how fun my life during childhood season. and how hard my time when i oready have to think about my own life, my own future, my own feet to stand for me. i wud never realize that how sweet life is, but how hard it will be. sometimes i felt bout 2 turn back the time, and stay young as a children. but at the moment i think back, its not that easy to grew up again to reach my age now.
Im 20 and become 21st soon. i shud be matured enuf now. but sometimes i realize that there are still lot of things that i cant do by my own. i cant even drive a manual car along the road yet. i cant cook something so special for a special guest. i cant go anywhere else without family to send me there. i cant. and so many i still cant do. so that im waiting for my working day. i have my own salary and then i can help family. i can hav my own car, my own house. i can buy things by my own money.
Owh. i cant wait for it. and for now, study is d first priority. study n bussiness at the time is not too bad ryte?hehehe. just to find way to gain more money.
=)

Kota Kinabalu.

We went to KK yesterday. Along and her family went back to johor for the whole holiday. O my lil nephew will goin 2 see his indian atok and nenek. since my 1st bro in law is an indian, so that my nephew is india+dusun. my papa said he is SunDia. hehe.
By the way, rolling kk was quite fun. Walking for a while at tanjung aru beach. took pics,eat n sowatever. then we went to cp n having lunch at kfc. then playing games upstairs. and bowling time. i lose so badly with my two bro in law n sister. hahahaa...
Last destination was one borneo. believe me, that was the 1st time i reach there since it was opened almost a year. heheh.
one borneo was not that bad. but i dun really like to shop there. i like Cp more than one borneo. thats my personal opinion only okay. but then, it was soo big! and i didnt even know where's the inding of the building. my papa said, i dunno which one is store n which one is not. haha... making a joke while walking.
whatever it is. we still have to rush to reach home. because grandma condition is still so bad. we shudnt smiling, laughing, walking happily while they are certain family members are not in a gud cndition.

Driving Project.

hihihiii. now im started 2 learn about manual driving. since i only bring an automatic car before, at last i mind to drive a manual car. The basic of clutch, oil n break i oready cope with it. but im quite bad in handling d stering when at d same time i hav to care about gear, clutch and so watever. hahaha. Thank God there a Puspakom just in front of our house. so that i have such a big space for me 2 practice everyday. my tutor, merangkap my brother in law is a very gud tutor. he teach me slowly without shouting even once. hehehe tq bro!

And today, a relative from Ranau came, the whole family of them. Aunty is a daughter of grandma so dat they cme 2 visit grandma. btw, they will slp here at our home for few days so i will share my small, cute room with my cousin, Ruji. she is one year older than me. we're quite close during childhood but since we lived in a diff area, we were less to see each other.

Sympathy on grandma.

She is extremely sick now bcuz of kanser tulang. She cant even eat anything, dizzy all the time n sometimes she lost her breath. OMG, im so nervous to face tis situation. ralatives come to visit her n they fulled my house. kinda crowded here but then, i still felt so lonely everytime when i see into nanny's eyes. she was trying so hard to fight the sickness, to get up n to find any food that she cud eat. im so proud of her spirit. but yesterday, she become so weak and she cudnt even stand up again.

Oh grandma, u know how much i worri. and i was kinda crying when my papa crying during he prepared a corn for nanny to eat. papa, i knw what u feel. but please be strong. bcoz im weaker than u if i see u cry.

Lord Allah, i pray that u wud blessed grandma. and our family.
Amin.

Welcome my Diary.

Actually, i have this URL since end of last year but i didnt pusblish it at time bcuz i have the other one to publish, my other blog with a diff URL but the same account, SOONER OR LATER. i had been publish it since last july and it still working so gud until now. So i made this old blog as my diary for everything in my life. If anyone read or found this blog, i hope u wud understand that this site is not to publish, but just a word from me to jot down for me to remember everything happen in my life. By The Way, for anyone who visit this blog, thanks but im sorry bcoz maybe u wud never enjoy reading my writing since it is only about me and my life.